Adventures in electronics

Blog-splotation - The Comeback

2009-05-04T12:47:00.000-07:00

I hate having to fill out forms. My handwriting is dreadful, and I often don't have the attention span required to fill out these sorts of things.

I get a letter in the mail the other day from the Telford and Wrekin council. This concerned me because: 1) It appeared very official, and: 2) Had they finally caught the illusive Morti?

It ended up being worse than I had imagined. My dad (62) is kind of a pimp. Handily for being a pimp he had a vasectomy in the 80's. He has since remarried his lovely wife, Louise (30) who would like nothing more than to have a baby.

Unfortunately, having a vasectomy puts somewhat of a dampener on those kind of plans. Morti junior was just never meant to be. And knowing what kind of a bloke my dad is there was no way he was having anything to do with a sperm donor.

Bring in option 3! Fostering!! This is where I come in. Basically the potential foster parents have to get people they know to fill out a form that states that these people are fit to be parents, and in no way shape or form would these people ever harm children!

These questions are hard for me to answer. If I am honest, my dad and step-mom dont stand a chance. To save myself from sounding like a complete wanker and going into a detailed back story that sounds like something from the Hallmark Channel, my dad was never the best. And really? at 62? you want another shot? Pull the other one.

So now, my dad who I speak to roughly twice a year has now contacted me at least 4 times this year. Can you guess the content of the calls? I'll give you a clue. If you can imagine someone attempting to help you re-live what they consider to be the best days of your life so as to have you believe they were the best parent they could be, but yet they have no clue as to what actually occured on those days.

It goes a bit like this:

"Do you remember the time we took you swimming and you did a shit in the pool? We all laughed so much"

Yep, you sure did laugh. Not to mention completely belittle me infront of my teachers and my friends. And why did I shit in the pool again? Because you were running late and wouldnt let me go to the toilet? Great times! I can't wait to see how hard you can Eff up someone elses kid.

Argh, I just got a bit EMO didnt I? Sorry.

It might be better if I wrap this up by saying that I dont want to fill out this form. Yes there are lots of kids that need good homes. I just seriously doubt the abilities of my dad. But, he's still my dad, and me filling out this form negatively also affects his wife. Who I happen to think is a decent person. I just dont know what to do.

Blog-sploitation

2009-04-29T12:52:00.000-07:00

I type this blog to you with many hopes. The first being, I hope you aren't stalking me. Because that would be creepy, and weird. The second hope is that you are taking full advantage of your blog to deal with your complex emotional state.

As many of you know, I am a massive hockey fan, and particularly fond of the San Jose Sharks. I remind you of this because the Sharks just got dumped out of the playoff's in the first round. My complex emotional state has rendered me almost mute on the subject. I am a little lost for words, which isnt like me at all.

I have been reduced to arguing with strangers on the internet about issues that I cant change. As we all know, arguing on the internet is tantamount to Graffiti. Sure, the world can see my creative viewpoint, but by the same token does anybody really care? Has anyone been swayed by my timbre? Does anyone feel that my works of 'art' are essential, or are they more likely inner-city noise?

Hypothetical questions aside, my opinions are swimming against a teal tide. And I hate that.
I want to be heard! I want to preach from the top of HP Pavilion! I want to stand arm to arm with my fellow fans and unite against bad journalism and reactionary fans.

What is more likely to happen is I will cry about it here, and continue to hold on to my blog like a security blanket, because this is my happy place, and I need my happy place.

Anyway! I have more hopes! Three, I hope that I can finish all of the pedals I have promised to people.
Last year I gave a pedal to one of my favourite bands, The Avett Brothers. Unbeknown to me, they actually used it the following night! and then every other night on the tour. When I found out, I was shocked. I didnt think that a band as big as them would be interested in using my stuff.
What came as more of a shock was that people who have toured with The Avett Brothers have contacted me and asked me to make them a fuzz pedal! Scott Avett was so happy, he told all his friends.

This certainly balances my sports related sadness.

So I'm trying to get more legit. I am trying to follow up all of the positives in my January bloggings by having more of a company ID, and being more proactive in finishing my pedals and selling them locally. To the point that I have had a new company logo designed! Even though I dont make any money off my pedals, my fourth hope is to make some money off my pedals!

My fifth hope is that I continue to hope. If I stop hoping for things to be better, is there any hope at all?

Another day for you and me in paradise

2009-01-18T14:13:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been indulging in the past. I wish I could say that it's not like me at all to do that, but it totally is. As evidence of this I've been listening to E.L.O pretty much exclusively. Also, I have been reminiscing about my time in the states. One memory in particular:

I never had a Stag Night!

This is largely for the reason that anyone who would have attended was on a different continent. As it stands my stag night consisted of looking at boats and watching people fish with my Father-In-Law and my wife's uncle. After an exhilarating afternoon looking at boats, we headed to a local bar where we proceeded to drink one beer each before heading back to the homestead to sit around and watch Home Improvement.

I didn't have any strippers attend, nor did I get chained to a lamppost or get put on the night train to Edinburgh. Part of me is still disappointed that I missed this important rite of passage the other part of me wishes I could have just flown home and gone to The Crown for a couple of shandy's followed by a kebab.

The thing is, even though I have been thinking about the past, I still really look forward to the future. I've been reading a lot about the next generation of hybrid cars. They can run up to 50 miles on electric power. Which is great for driving about town. If the battery runs out, the petrol engine kicks in and you have about a 400 mile range before having to either refuel or recharge. Great! and most of the cars (Chevrolet Volt) don't look like a piece of cheese on wheels.

The only downside about attempting to get myself psyched about the future is the waiting. Whilst I think about the potential of hybrid vehicles, it's all too easy to think about my old cars, never driving in England, the English countryside, English pubs, my friends, things I miss/missed out on. And so the cycle is complete.

Stupid forward thinking!

This is the new year

2009-01-14T12:46:00.000-08:00

I resolve to be the best person I can be.

I have already fudged this up. As I write this I am on my work's time. So if I were being the best person I could be, I'd be hard at it. Nose to the grindstone, and I'd do this when I got home.

As it is I am almost being the best person I can be. It's a start!

I decided to pull my finger out and finish up some electronics projects. And I did! and I have more to come. That's all part of my action plan to be a better person. I have previously promised a lot of projects to a lot of people and yet I always seem to forget/something eats the project/I run out of time/get made homeless etc. This year is different! so if I promised you something, remind me of that.

I read in another blog somewhere that from the time we are born we make these synapsial connections in the brain that guide what we do. Every time we repeat a specific task these connection form bonds that tell us something. Unfortunately the same theory is true of negative thinking. If you think doom and gloom all the time your brain makes the connections and rather than these thoughts being random, they get to become the way you are hardwired to deal with situations.

This has affected me in a number of ways:
I dont like to order food over the phone
I dont like to drive long distances
I'm very lazy

Part of being the best person I can be this year involves a little re-wiring. Both on the work bench and in my head. Hopefully all the years of not feeling good enough or not feeling like I am producing a high standard of work (or effectively ordering take away food) can be undone with a little positive thinking.

My inspiration is this guy: [url]http://45daystoanewme.blogspot.com/[url/] he has suffered from depression for most of his adult life and I have been privvy to some of the end results of his state of mind through various blogs and message boards. Reading the above blog has inspired me to 'Get Confident' also. Just seeing what a difference I can see that it has made in his life has charged me up. Not that I have depression, but I do have a history of lazyness and negative thought patterns.

Say it with me:

I WANT TO CHANGE!!
(i really do)

My 2008 in Music

2008-12-30T20:32:00.000-08:00

So I dont think I bought 10 albums from 2008 that were released in 2008! I may have not even bought 10 albums for the first year since I turned 15. The reason? Drama, Drama, Drama!!

Here is an abridged list of what we did musically in 2008

1) The Avett Brothers - The Gleam II
We were lucky enough to get to see this band a 4 times this year. If they come by your way, you should go, and then you will know why we saw them 4 times this year. Back in April I gave them a guitar pedal I had made. I didnt really think any more about it. Then when I saw them in August and saw the pedal sitting on the stage I was rather surprised! According to their road tech, Dane, they had used it every night since I had given it to them And it still works!!!!!!

Murder in the City

2) The Everybodyfields

Whilst they didnt release an album this year, they did let this little gem sneak out.

Worth Keeping

3) Jessica Lea Mayfield - With Blasphemy So Heartfelt

It really embarasses me when people a lot younger than me are 10 times better than I am at song writing. Perhaps my news years resolution should include improve my song writing as well as start "Hall & Oates: House of Chowder franchise"

We've Never Lied

4) Langhorne Slim - s/t

Despite being only a three piece, these guys sound huge!!!

Restless

5) The Incredible Vickers Brothers - Galimaufry

A friend of mine has being playing in bands for a few years with the chap behind this album, but there isnt too much on the net about them.

http://www.myspace.com/incrediblevickersbrothers

Check out the song: "Blues for Frankie"

I wonder if the boys of the NYPD choir still sing Gallway Bay?

2008-12-28T17:05:00.000-08:00

So I have finally got a place to work again and I made this.

I will post even more projects I promise!

Christmas Gift Ideas.

2008-12-16T15:33:00.001-08:00

I think the below item would make a cracking gift for someone if you haven't yet started your Christmas shopping because you were too busy drinking. Merk?

http://www.amazon.co.uk/PAUL-ROSS-Canvas-Print-MirrorPrintStore/dp/B001N6W8U0/ref=cm_cr_pr_pb_t

The reviews really tell you all you need to know.

The System

2008-11-14T10:38:00.000-08:00

We finally have a place to live.

We moved in on Saturday 8th November. And everything has gone swimmingly! Only two breakages! sadly they were Mandy's favourite juice glasses. I can only hope that one day we manage to replace them.

R.I.P - Juicy one and Juicy two.

The move went just fine, but we have had some telecommunication issues. It's almost like we are being told we should drop off the grid.

The phone company wasnt sure if they could provide us with DSL internet. They said they would have to send a technician out to test the line. Then the technician didnt put his notes into "The System" so we had to wait. Then when the technician did put his notes into "The System" they said it would be about a week before the order could be processed and we could be online. Correct me if I'm wrong, and I know I sound like I am expecting everything now, but aren't we in the golden age of communication? How the flip does it take two weeks to get internet service? It's not like the Littlewoods catalogue. I shouldn't expect 28 days for delivery.

But my problems with "The System" continue. Next up is the cable company.
I get a coupon in the mail that promises me Digital cable, $33 a month for 12 months. I call up and request this and the cable company tells me that the previous tennants havent paid their bill yet, and if I want service, I will have to drive 30 minutes to their store, bring my rental agreement to prove I am the new tennant.
Sadly Americans don't know the meaning of the word "Cobblers", a word which is often my first reaction to a bullshit statement like the above.
I next ask if I come in and jump through the hoops which dont happen to be my problem whether I will hapen to be allowed the $33 a month deal.

Guess what! Nope! Not available in my neighborhood. I probably called 15 times about all of this. Thinking that maybe I could out smart these cats. But I can't. So guess what? No cable yet!

I call the other local cable company (Yes, we are lucky enough to have two) and they tell me that my address doesnt exist. It's not showing up in "The System". They will have to send a technician out and check. Probably going to take about a week to get a technician out. Once he puts his notes into "The System", it's probably going to be about another week before we can have anything installed.

Next up on the list of reasons why I am being forced to be cut off from society is my mobile phone. I cant get a signal in my house. Rather, I can, the little bars are all there, but I cant take or make a call. My wife can, same phone, same network, same house. Sitting next to each other! I call the phone company. They check "The System". About a week? Yep!

Our brand new cordless phone doesn't work either! Although, they were nice about it. They didn't even have to check "The System"!

Are you getting the impression that I should drop off the grid? Get out of "The System"? I am!

Whatever "The System" is, I dont like it. No Sir.

The house is awesome. I would say pictures to follow, but I always say that and never manage to take any pictures. I think it might be something to do with "The System"

Our housing woes continue

2008-10-23T13:31:00.000-07:00

So we applied for a place on Monday. We found out today we were not selected. I can't believe we didn't get picked. We would be a dream to rent to.

Needless to say I am about ready to stick my fingers up at the Bay Area and tell them where to go, with their over inflated home rentals, and their lack of seasons.

To make matters worse, I am no longer comfortable with the living arrangements we currently have. On Monday morning my father in law walked in on me in the nude. I was getting changed, and at first I thought that it would be ok because he only saw me from behind, then I realized I was getting changed in front of a mirror, so he would have been able to have a good look at any angle he wanted!

Honestly, you can't make this stuff up.

We bid a teary farewell

2008-09-07T00:38:00.000-07:00

The family pooch, Emma Sue, is sadly succumbing to kidney failure.

As you can imagine with the loss of a much loved one, the mood is very somber.

I wanted to post my feelings, about Emma and although you never knew her, you would have loved her.

Emma kept me company when I first moved out here. I had a period of about three months after I arrived that I couldn't yet work. She would accompany me into the garden for my afternoon snooze. She would also sit on the steps of the hot tub and keep watch on the entire back garden, whilst I bathed in said hot tub and read a book. I remember on another occasion someone said something really funny. I couldn't stop laughing. Emma, curious to know what was wrong with me, jumped on the setee, and sat on my chest. She sniffed my face as if it would give her a clue as to what was wrong with me. Then she wouldn't get off of me. I think she figured I must have been having some kind seizure, and that the weight of her hefty rump would somehow calm my nerves, but yet also satisfy her desire to be the top dog by keeping a brother down.

3 things about Emma

1) Emma has better table manners than my Father-In-Law

2) Emma is far more patient than I will ever be

3) Emma's favourite food is whatever you happen to be eating.

I am not even joking about point one.

Hola!

2008-08-12T12:39:00.000-07:00

So 5 months between blogs is blogshy. Very blogshy.

Let me fill you in on what has happened:

Accounting Course : Got a B!

Housing Situation: Bad! Very bad! We were supposed to move into a new place, but it didnt work out, and the apartment building we were in had a waiting list for empty apartments. As soon as we handed our notice in, we were screwed. In the mean time, the foreclosure crisis means that landlords can charge whatever they want for shit holes and still get it! No thanks to the people who thought that somehow they would have no problem paying the extra 2,500 to 5,000 dollars a month extra 6 years after they signed on to own their own home once the interest only period ended. Thanks guys!

So we are having a hard time finding somewhere in our price range that it suitable for all of our stuff. We are currently living with Mandy's folks. As you can imagine, not ideal.

Sharks: Not only was it shark week recently, it's going to be Shark season pretty soon! I bought a 10 pack of tickets because that is how much I love Ice Hockey.

I have been having my musical life guided by http://www.pandora.com You guys should check it out! It suggests artists you might like, based on artists you already like.

Also, I'm about to go on my hollidays! We are road tripping up to Oregon all along the California coast and ending our trip in Portland. I'll probably post pictures...

(5 months or so down the line)

A few more things

2008-03-30T23:35:00.000-07:00

I hate my accounting course. I cant wait to get back to things that matter. Such as, well, not learning anything! I really only enjoy learning when it's connected to a hobby. Something that I want to do as an amateur.

Professionalism has never really been my forte. I am starting to wonder what I am good at. This is almost certainly the beginning of an early midlife crisis.

Here is a list of things I am bad at:

Sports - All of them. As much as I want to be athletic, I just dont have it

Maths - I am shuddering at the thought of having maths be such a large part of my everyday
life. My father in law laughed whent I told him I couldnt do long division. I realy can't

Playing guitar - If I played a song and someone said, that sounds good, how long have you been playing? If I told them the real length of time I had actually been playing, I think they might just laugh out loud.

Driving - I am a terrible driver. Whilst I always use my mirrors, never stall, am always under the speed limit, I have awful aggresion when I get behind the wheel. I want to punish everyone else's mistakes. I think this comes from years of being a Yugo passenger.

Blogging - Lazy, workshy, Blogger. That's me.

Good things

Procrastinating - Seriously. If this was an Olympic sport, I'd be on a cereal box in China.

Laundry - I am on top of the laundry. WORD.

Taking a bath - Can you be good at bathing? I think I am.

Now if I could find employment that harnessed my skills, I think I might be on to something.

Adventures in Professional Sporting Events.

2008-03-28T20:52:00.000-07:00

At the request of Stav, I decided to have a little blog in between periods of hockey.

I managed to see the San Jose sharks twice this month! I got to seem them hammer St. Louis, and pull off a dramatic Over time win against Dallas last night. One of the new guys at my work is a huge hockey fan, so we got tickets and cruised on down to the shark tank.

Last friday we got given tickets to see the Golden State Warriors play the Houston Rockets. Whilst I'm not a big basketball fan, I had an awesome time. We had great seats! Mandy teaches one of the assitant coaches for the warriors kid so he got us great seats.

Infact, tonight I had tickets for the a preason game between The giants and the A's, but we decided to give it a miss. The giants suck this year. That reminds me, how are Telford getting on I wonder?

Did you see this video?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ge3QkBghNLE
I'm making a bunch of these to sell. I had a friend design me some ZX Spectrum themed graphics for the casing. Although, Spectrums never hit the states, so I'm not sure why I decided to go with that motif.

Also, I managed to fix this awesome vintage synthesizer a friend bought on ebay that didnt work.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jM5TEIyU3k

What else has happened? I was in a band for a while called the Atomic Love Bombs. We played a couple of shows, but I wasn't a good fit for the band. Plus some of the guys were really not great musicians, but they had the money to fund their hobby.

Mandy started painting again, and I really want one of these for my birthday:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFwVC47pOig&feature=related

Like the look upon his face as he's zipping up his flies.

2007-08-08T22:27:00.000-07:00

here is what you have missed since May:

I got the dream guitar
I got the decent raise (had to ask for an extra dollar, But I got it)
I punched a zebra in the arse. Hard.
Started a second (temporary)job, not whoring myself on the street
Had an awesome holiday in Tahoe
Am pretty close to getting two persian kittens named Taco and Nacho
I joined a new band. Played a couple of gigs, had some fun, and then left.
I am going back to college (U.C Berkeley no less!) to get my C.P.A

Can life get any better?

A C.P.A is an accountancy qualification, in case you didn't know. I still can't believe I'm doing it. Considering I failed GCSE maths twice.
I've found that when you tell people you are 'in' accounting, it really kills conversations.
For example:
"So what do you do?"
"I work in the accounting department of a Law firm"
"Oh. Numbers, huh?"

I think the only profession people like less than accountancy is being a lawyer. I wonder how it works for people who are accountants for lawyers? Double trouble.

I was previously rubbish at eating sunflower seeds, but after a weekend of cracking and spitting. I'm quite the expert.

Here are some pictures of what you may have missed:

2007-05-20T18:51:00.000-07:00

It starts to get a bit old when every single post you do is apologetic because it's been so long since you last posted!

But again, my apologies. It's not like I've been busy, because I haven't! I have, however, been really lazy.

My birthday went rather well. It fell on mothers day (U.S Celebrates on a different day) which was a nice way to ruin an otherwise great weekend. and lucky me, in 2012 it falls on mothers day again!

I got a Tivo which I have kind of knackered up already. I don't have a subscription, so when I connected my Tivo to the phone line, Tivo decided to take away all of its functionality! Unless I get a subscription of course! But it's a bit steep, and I keep thinking of all the stuff I could buy with what I would be spending on a fancy video recorders subscription.

The day before my birthday, Mandy took me guitar shopping. We visited 9 local guitar shops in search of the perfect axe. Alas, we did not find the holy grail. However we did find the store that stocks the holy grail. So hopefully by mid-June, it should be sitting in my house. Full on rocking. My only problem now is that I can't quite decide if that is the guitar I REALLY want. Decisions, Decisions. I tried to see if I could squeak two of them out of our measly budget, but this will only be possible if I take up a second job doing unmentionable things in unmentionable parts of unmentionable towns.

I'm game. Anyone know any pimps?

It's only a few weeks before my yearly review. Hopefully I should see a decent raise. Enough that it may enable us to move out of our 1 bedroom sauna. Summer time sees our apartment temperature regularly hit the 100 degree mark. I say regularly, I should say, consistently. As in every bloody day! I always tell myself that it could be worse, but I have this feeling that unless you are in Death Valley...

Life is full of surprises!

2007-03-12T20:37:00.000-07:00

On my chair at work today there was a badly wrapped package sitting and waiting for me. About the same size as a human head, but this had got through customs, and it was bouncy.

On opening it, it turned out to be a football signed by the 2002 Telford United football team. Inside was a note that simply read:

Signed by the 2002 Telford United squad, a gem

Love You
Nobby

From Mr. Andrew Edward Noble of Newton Aycliffe, star of T.V's Wac-a-day.

It made my month.

and also, to those of you that don't already know, I will be in Blighty on April 4th for fun and hijinks.

Excuse the lack of blogging, it's been giving me the run around with signing up for some email service or summat.

Happy 2007

2006-12-31T13:14:00.000-08:00

I don't know where to begin on my little overview of the year. That is probably symptomatic of how my year went. Lot's of big plans, but no real execution of said plans, or any direction.

I've promised a lot of guitar pedals to people, which I mostly delivered, just not in a timely manner. I suppose the best explanation was that life, and namely other peoples lives got in the way of my life and my plans.

The band started with a bang, then promptly fizzled when the singer took a job in L.A. It now looks like we are back on again! The singer is working in the Bay Area and we have practices set up in the new year. Maybe some gigs! Maybe get the album in people other than ourselves hands. Who knows?

The work situation improved 100%
The new job is going well, I start my pension in January if I can find the forms I was supposed to fill out! Everything is much smoother than it was, and more importantly, I feel like an integral part of the office. Hopefully 2007 will bring some more money/responsibility and I can start to really show people what I am capable of.

I lost weight! too much weight. I'm down to 145 pounds. Which would be perfect if I hadn't lost it all from my arse! I can't even sit down on un padded furniture any more.

House hunting went terribly! Partially because neither of us earn enough money to support the lifestyle we would like to lead, and partially because landlords are robbing bastards. We were close to signing up for one place, but that place is already for sale again! a mere 2 months after we looked in to renting it! Dodged a bullet there.

The worst house hunting experience came at the end of the year. We looked at a place, and when we got there, there were at least three other couples that could have been clones of us. Same car (one even the same colour), Same age group, Same hair. We were so freaked out that we couldn't stay. Plus the house was a shoe box.

2007 will bring us back to the sceptered isle. So I am expecting a week on Nan's setee watching emmerdale.

Resolutions for 2007? None! What's the point? I would just have too much fun breaking them and getting dissapointed at myself. But technically, my new years resolution is no new years resolutions. I think I just tripped up before the year began.

Happy new year to all!

One more thing...

2006-12-09T10:21:00.000-08:00

Mandy got curious about the pictures of Britney Spears. That's one mystery I wish had remained so.

*shudder*

2006-12-09T10:01:00.000-08:00

Never one to disappoint my fans, here is another update!

Firstly, I would like to point out that there are other more blog-shy folks than me. Namely, Stavros and Fulla. So please merk, get your house in order before transatlantically antagonising me.

Just joking. It's nice to get a push every now and again.

Tower records is closing down. Good ridance. I've always found them to be overpriced. Although, the big sale they are having now is rather good. I picked up some Coachwhips, Bruce Springsteen, Replacements, and Broadcast for $20. Best of all, the Springsteen album was only $3.

I think I have some kind of attention defecit disorder. Did I already mention that? I'm getting very forgetful. I asked one of my co-workers, and he reccomended that I give up diet-coke. He thinks artificial sugars can cause memory problems. I think he might be right. Since I started on my healthier food kick, my memory has been goldfish-esque. I have post it notes everywhere. I know other people at work have noticed it too because any time they need something done, they ask my co-worker to do it. My mind races all the time. It's like I cant hold a thought in my head. Like the blue fish in that Finding Nemo movie. Always talking, but not remembering anything.

Anyway, despite my memory problems, I am still Fergalicious. And I dont mean like Fergie from black eyed peas, I mean like solo era Fergal Sharkey. I wish people would line down the block just to check what I've got. But they don't.

2006-11-24T23:37:00.000-08:00

So thanks giving is just about over. I have eaten too much, and I have an awful cough. I haven't updated in a long time, so here is a run down of what I have been up to.

I drove up to Sacramento to see the UFC event. It was a great evening. Lots of fights, both in the cage and in the crowd. You wouldn't think it would be my kind of thing, but I have started to see artistic merit in fighting. I don't want to over analyse it, so I won't.

I met up with some friends from out of town and it made me sad that they live so far away. Every time we meet up, we get on like a house on fire, and then it's two and a half years before we meet again.

House hunting went horribly. We have completely given up. We were hoping to move somewhere with two bedrooms and a garage, but it seems every landlord in town is greedy except for the one we have now. So we are going to stay. It has its faults, but the price is right, and I can walk to work in less than 3 minutes. Beat that! (working from home doesn't count)

I've been comissioned (kind of) to build some guitar effects for someone. Hopefully should bring me some money in so I can buy a penis shaped guitar or some other such nonsense. I'm really looking forward to the challenge. The person has been very paricular with what they were looking for, and how it must be assembled. I hope I can get my act together and get it finshed by the new year.

My weightloss is going strong, as is the same for Mandy. She's lost about 20 pounds and I've probably lost 10-15. I think even my feet have shrunk.

I have probably coughed over 50 times whilst writing this.

What happened to my Transylvania Twist?

2006-10-27T08:17:00.000-07:00

This post is for Stav. As this might be your only form of net related entertainment, unfortunately.

All the people at work are really into halloween. We have screams coming from the stereo, Crap foam headstones everywhere, and weird looking sweets.

I have to admit I'm kind of getting into it a little bit. All the music on the cds isn't by the original artists (The best kind). But I dont usually get to hear music, so its kind of good.

Apparently, as soon as halloween is finished, they start with christmas music.

Joy!

Dear Gap Clothing,

2006-09-30T09:38:00.000-07:00

I like Audrey Hepburn. I like AC/DC. I do not like the combination togther.
Also, whilst I've got you listening. I got dragged to your shop in San Mateo Mall because all my clothes have holes in, and I noticed three things:
1) Your clothes appear to be designed by robots
2) Zippered sleeves do not look good
3) A picture on the wall of a man wearing 4 layers, next to a picture of the slogan: "Keep it simple"

How is wearing 4 layers keeping it simple? Where is he going? Antarctica?
He had on a blazer, a zip up sweater, a cardigan and a t-shirt. No wonder models are skinny, you are sweating out their water weight.

Also, do you have any connection to American Eagle Clothing? Because they are worse offenders than you. The girls section doesn't look too bad. Lots of basics that you could easily mix and match to make many cute outfits. However, everything in the mens section has Eagles on it. I like birds as much as the next bloke, but how about not puting eagles on everything?

Here are some birds I like:
Curlew
Magpie
Raven
Wood Pigeon
Hummingbird
Sparrow
Pelican
Chaffinch

Infact, I'd almost bet you would sell more clothes if you didn't put any worldly creatures on your garments.

Sincerely
Steve

When I got outside, I spat on the ground and made a mental note to never go to the Mall again.

Weekend Jaunt to the Beach

2006-08-29T17:55:00.000-07:00

I spent my weekend in beautiful Pismo Beach, on Californias central coast.

What a lovely part of the world. Perfect weather, shame about the company.

Mandy and I spent the weekend with her family who fought like it was 1943.

So my car is dented and my camera is full of the finest Pismo sand. Still got mad love for those crazy in law G's

On the other hand, I did pick up an awesome organ. It's made by Roxy, and it sounds like an electric orgasm. Or an electric accordian, but way better. I would post pictures, and sound clips, but, sand! Remember?

A lady at work shouted at me today, then later appologised and told me she was on her period. I think she was hitting on me. It was her subconcious way of telling me; "I'm not that old, I could still go a few rounds, Buster." I think I said something dumb like; "oh yeah. My wife gets those."

Office banter is always uncomfortable. From fake smiles as you pass people who don't know your name, to when the high up guys ask you if you watched the tennis yesterday. In case you were interested, he tivo'd it, and asked if I was interested in seeing it. I said sure, but I just got Dharma and Greg on DVD, so it might be a couple of days.

That last part was a lie. However, office banter is made way more uncomfortable by me not having a clue what to say back to some of these people. Plus, nerding it up doesn't help. I think I heard someone utter; "I think he must have been home schooled."

By The Way...

2006-08-22T19:41:00.000-07:00

Did anyone check out my bands songs?

Link is underneath.

Kids international, American Style

2006-08-22T19:32:00.000-07:00

Mandy and I went to the San Mateo County fair on Friday night. It's basically like Kids International.
I remember One year at kids international, Arthur Bostrom appeared. You know, the policeman who spoke broken french in 'allo 'allo. Him and Timmy Mallet were pretty heavyweight celebs at the time. I lost count the number of times timmy mallet got told to Fuck off whilst he was walking around trying to play mallets mallet with people over the age of 13.

So the San Mateo county fair had....

Wait for it...

The Village People! I'm not sure whether they played that song they did with the German international football team, and I'm not even sure that any of them were ever in the original village people. But just to be within 100 yards of the biggest wedding throw down song ever, was a moment I'll never forget.

REO Speedwagon also played.

Just another manic Sunday

2006-07-30T16:21:00.000-07:00

So Ive taken up tennis. (a little bit)

I know, I know. Boxing was way more 'man', but now the only person hitting me in the face is, me, but with a racquet (racket? am I being too posh?)

My palms haven't been this raw since I was 16.

In other news, aside from a few co-workers who could do with a smack in the mouth, the new job is going great, and is probably going to be a career. I've decided to take some paralegal classes. This means I can pretty much double my salary and work in almost any law office.

Infact, a really good paralegal can make more than a lawyer.

It means I have to go back to university part-time though. Do I really want to spend more time around students though? I think I already know the answer to that.

My band is starting to take off. We have almost finished our 5 song demo, and we are hoping to play a few gigs around september, october. you are all invited! (bit far, I know)
we have a myspace, (surprise, surprise) and we even have a movie of us practising. Songs should be up, but probably aren't

Here is the URL, be our friends.
http://www.myspace.com/childrensometimesdie

we used to be called, children sometimes die, but we are now called the cecil peoples.

fastforward through us tuning up.
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=958626676&n=2

To O.M.R: My leaving present...

2006-07-14T22:52:00.000-07:00

bastards.

New job is working out pretty good though. Looks like I am getting an office (+1) although I will have to share it (-1) I do have a window (+1) The window looks out into a corridor of files (-1)

Also, I seem to be holding the short end of a very shitty stick. Because I am such a bright chap and super fast learner, they've halved my admin duties and stuck me in accounting.

How many times did I fail GCSE maths?

twice!
(twice means three, right?)

I must be the guy to bill insurance companies for thousands of dollars a month then!

Pay day is the best day of all

2006-06-26T08:28:00.000-07:00

The count down to Friday is ON! slow, but ON!

I hope they do something nice for me, like offer to pay for all my ebay junk, or buy me a guitar.

Now, I know it isn't realistic to hope for those things, but it is helping the slow work days go by faster. I've been staring into space, dreaming that they turn up with a Gretsch country gentleman jr, and say: Here you go Steve. Thanks for all of your hard work. But I am more likely to get a handshake or a hug. Boo to that!

I am then off on my summer holiday! Mandy and I are having 4 days in Carson City, NV. Mandy thinks it's awesome because she gets to spend some time with her family there, I think its awesome because there are a ton of pawn shops. Maybe I will find that gretsch country gent I have pined for.

I wasted my weekend

2006-06-19T08:45:00.000-07:00

My wife went away on friday night to visit her sister. I had the entire place to myself to get all my junk finished up and start some new junk. What did I do? I sat on the internerd, all day and all night.

It's not all bad, I won a couple of things on Ebay for once. I've decided the best way to win stuff is to bin on undisirable objects that no one wants. I myself have little use for these items, but its the taking part that counts.

My boss took my leaving a little too well, but I suppose I shouldn't be too upset because I did lie to him and I used company resources to get the job. The first thing he told me was that he was going to be training someone else up for another store, but now they would have to travel to this one instead. Charming I thought. He asked me if money was an issue. I answered no, survey says "YES".

Here's what I should have said: "the money is a bit of an issue. But the main issue is the customers are tossers, and the people I work with make me want to get castrated."

as promised, pictures are coming. Hide your children

New job, New danger!

2006-06-16T09:09:00.000-07:00

I'd been keeping it a bit quiet (!) but my current job is a bit shit. And secretly I've been yearning for something else.

So I applied at a law firm as an Administrative Assistant. What does that mean? Donkey work mostly, but I can walk to walk in less than 5 minutes, and I can see my office from my balcony.

The company specialises in being defense attorneys for insurance companies and Cities. Like if someone was suing Telford, Phil Homer (or whoever) would call us. The rest of the stuff is all Mesothelioma/Asbestosis defense.

Ethically, I have a bit of a problem with that. I edited a documentary about Mesothelioma, so batting for the other team seems a bit odd.

Money is better, prospects are better. I can't rent a nice apartment or buy a new car. Infact I'm not going to see any monetarial benefit! But this is definitely a step in the right direction.

I get health insurance, life insurance, child care benefits, pension. The full monty. and more importantly, a professional environment!

So, I am now going to hand in my notice. I have a feeling the shit is going to hit fan. I am going to take pictures of the people I work with, so you can see what I've been up against.

sadie lane: Redux

2006-06-06T00:35:00.000-07:00

Looks like the furry footwarmer needs to be dog sat again!

The wedding present we bought for my sister-in-law, who the dog belongs to, was a rug for the kitchen. We found out that Sadie has eaten the rug. Or at least parts of the rug.

I have to agree with the dog on this one, a sage green rug just wasn't doing it for me.

And no jokes about me dog sitting for a carpet munching dog.

The work situation is escalating. The only joy I get is when people chat to me about the world cup. The post man, Carlos, tried to argue with me saying that there was civil unrest in Trinidad and Tobago. I kept telling him it was the Ivory coast, or wherever, but he wasn't having it.
Also a lady came in who told me that she was actually going to the world cup. She works in the marketing department for Yahoo! She kept asking if I saw any of the "Wafer" cup games. I think she meant UEFA cup.

Smile and nod, steve, smile and nod.

House sitter

2006-05-31T07:47:00.000-07:00

I've been house sitting this last week, and whilst I am super pleased to be back in my own apartment, in my own bed, I kind of miss the dog we were watching.

Yes, she bit me. She didn't listen. She woke up to lick her arse at 4am. But damn she was a cute little dog.

This is Sadie Lane.

blog shy

2006-05-23T10:27:00.000-07:00

sorry, things have been rather hectic here. Mandys oldest sister just had twins, and then her youngest sister just got married! Upside of the latter is that whilst on their honey moon, we get to enjoy their broadband internet access! So this whole process is now a breeze! It's even prompted me to get DSL! Not broadband, do I look like I'm made of money?

On the work front, a nice position came up working as a recording engineer/assistant/dogs body for a charity who help blind and dyslexic people. I would love to do it, but it's only part time.

I don't know how many of you keep a Myspace profile, I just got one and was connected to dorsett and ricky! nice to see thier faces, even if they are a little on the scary side! ;)

I am in limbo! My life is really all about treading water at the moment. Financially secure, but still buying smart price bread! I am a lazy, blog shy, bastard.

I will post some pictures of the wedding and all that soon.

Biggest Update Ever

2006-04-24T23:52:00.000-07:00

It's been a while but here is where I've been.

Last thursday mandy and I cruised along to a morrissey night in San francisco. Newcastle brown on tap was both a good and bad sign! I decided to relax with a few, but the club was busy and people were encroaching on my personal space, and my newly found beer personality reared its ugly head.

People kept trying to put their coats on the back of my chair, so I kept throwing them on the dancefloor. People were not pleased. some money fell out of one persons coat (one dollar) so I decided to write on it, nice and big, "I FOUND THIS, YOU SHOULD BE MORE CAREFUL" the dollar bill then proceeded onto the dancefloor, with the coat but not in the coat. I feel old when I go to clubs these days, and I dont have time for youthfulness, especially if it means touching me on the back. I mean, would you just walk up to some random stranger and put your coat on the back of his chair?

My future brother-in-law-in law told me the next day I had also been a bit "punchy" Great. Morrissey usually brings out the sensitive side of me, but not tonight my love!

At Easter, Mandy and I drove down to see her sister in porterville, about 3 hours away. Mandys sister is about to give birth any day to twins, so we thought we would offer some support before she never gets another wink of sleep.

Porterville is a farming town, largely made up of orange groves, nut trees and olive trees. So there isn't an awful lot to do.

We got back and I had the trots just like the dog that came in my shop! Karma is a bitch. I Didn't do it on the carpet though. It was my first sick day in about 6 years. I got back to work the next day, and no internet!!!
ARGH that means that the three spare hours in my day I had to fill up by reading the newspaper, avon catalogue, books from lost and found, you get the picture.
Still no internet today!!

The playoffs started (ice hockey) Go sharks.

Best of all, on sunday was the Make faire. A sort of "Burning man" meets silicon valley. Tons of weird people there. people who make bikes out of wood, a couple who have an enormous CNC machine in their house, just because they like to carve wood. A guy who created Bend Over Bear, a stuffed toy, which when an object is inserted in his rectum, he says rude stuff. A guy who created his own nightvision goggles.

Ive never seen so many beards, sandles, and hippy children in my life. Did I mention Segway Polo? 100 mpg cars? musical instruments from childrens toys?

Apart from the weirdy beardies, it was just like the world had opened up their collective sheds and garages so we could see what people get up to when they have too much time on their hands.
http://makezine.com

That came out of a Westie?

2006-04-13T17:17:00.000-07:00

One of my least favourite customers brought her dog in today, it then proceeded to take a massive dump on the carpet.

I haven't laughed so much in ages. Just to see the posh bitche's face (both dog and owner), as she grovels for forgiveness. "She's never done this before!!!"

I wanted to say: "don't worry, all the thanks I need is to see you get down on your knees and pick it all up"

It was like god heard my evil prayer. I wish I had a camera.

Ikea

2006-04-03T23:30:00.000-07:00

I always get excited to go to Ikea, because it is a big place with lots of nice looking furniture. However, it's always packed with people who dont know where they are going. and students.

Also, I own 2 major pieces of furniture that came from Ikea. My computer desk, and my dining room table. Can I sit on a chair cross legged at these tables? Can I buggery.

I thought Swedes were all enormous? I'd like to see An enormous blonde try and cross their legs under one of these monstrosities.

Does anyone remember when it was uncool to get your furniture from MFI, 'cos it was all flatpacked? So how does Ikea get off with that one?

I think the head honchos at MFI sat down and said "listen guys, we just aren't cool, our sales have plummeted, what can we do to get back to business?"
"I know, Europe is cool right now, lets just pretend to be Swedish, and re-badge everything with silly names like 'korbish' and 'shvidki' ! " "capital idea Barry, lets roll"

Mitch Hedberg

2006-04-01T11:09:00.000-08:00

I dont know if this comedian's work has made it as far as England, but this guy is rather funny.

Here are some samples of his jokes:

I think Pringles' initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles was a laid-back company. They said "Fuck it. Cut 'em up!"

I went to a heavy metal concert. The singer yelled out, "How many of you people feel like human beings tonight?" And then he said, "How many of you feel like animals?" The thing is, everyone cheered after the animals part, but I cheered after the human beings part because I did not know there was a second part to the question.

"I went to the park and saw this kid flying a kite. The kid was really excited. I don't know why, that's what they're supposed to do. Now if he had had a chair on the other end of that string, I would have been impressed."

I saw this wine-o, he was eating grapes, I said "dude, you have to wait."

"I like an escalator cause it can never break. It can only become stairs. There would never be an Escalator Temporarily Out of Order sign. Only an Escalator Temporarily Stairs."

“I would imagine if you could understand Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.”

Lazy post, but made me laugh pretty hard.

Telford Blog Posse

2006-03-29T09:51:00.000-08:00

Great to see the Telford blog posse representing, in a area.

who are we waiting for to get on board?

walt, wee fella, Austin and bacon at least.

It's almost like I never have to come home again. I can sit at my desk with a pint of mild, get hammered, and reading your blogs is almost like a replacement for banter.

a poor substitute, I know, but in this digital age it's nice to know we can almost have a "Cyber Crown" All we need is a cyber kebab ye now. Do you think the fellas that work in kebab ye have blogs?

I dont like cats

2006-03-24T09:58:00.000-08:00

Some cats are nice. I seem to remember fella having an agreeable pair of moggies. However, most cats are evil.

see? who would want that, when they could have this?

more biscuit chat

2006-03-24T09:48:00.000-08:00

I know this is probably 2 weeks old, but whilst wandering through my local safeway, I found these...

I felt sick to my stomach.

The art of war states; "know your enemy". Here it is gents, the enemy.

yank biscuits

2006-03-15T10:05:00.000-08:00

what did the 5 fingers say to the face?

2006-03-04T10:09:00.000-08:00

SLAP!

I couldnt really take it much easier at work, most of the easy stuff I can palm off to someone else, which leaves me a metric ton of time to surf the net, make sure my bowels are regularly emptied, but any time the shit hits the fan, no one else has a clue what they are doing.

A customer comes in and asks to make 1000 photocopies, and they are completely stumped, they just um and ar, and then I have to get out of my chair. I dont like having to get out of my chair. I spent most of the day on friday wrestling with a folding machine. If you have ever used one of these machines, you'll really value the accuracy of your hands afterwards. That's if you still have your hands.

In other news, I sold my first guitar pedal this week to my good friend Allen Clapp from top popsters, The Orange Peels (not to be confused with the orange organics from pugwalls summer) http://www.theorangepeels.com Stav, you might really love them. Sunshine, california pop.

I also just finished making my first synthesiser, very difficult to control, sounds like a theremin on steroids. Making it work makes you look like a prick, you have to wave your hands over some light dependent resistors, and it makes all manner of Atari based noises. These will be available for purchase at a mere cost of probably 30 dollars, sound fair for sonic chaos? Anyone interested?

I made some big steps to changing my career. I went to a media mixer and got to hob nob with some local media glitterati. Whilst there I was introduced to the director of video at Stanford University, and she wants me to do some free lance video editing! I cant wait to write to my Mum and tell her I might be working for one of the most prestigous universities in the world ( I thought it was Huddersfield uni!) I wonder if Carlton Banks is really an alumni there?

I'm as free as a bird now

2006-02-20T12:22:00.001-08:00

At least I am for Tuesday.

I'm supposed to be job hunting, but I have the sneaky suspicion I'll end up doing one of these things:

1) Playstation.
2) Electronics
3) Furious self abuse
4) Inter-nerd surfing

Infact, my day could be any combination of those things, interspersed with copius tea consumption, and grumbling about not having a good job, but yet not properly getting off my arse to get one.

Viz

2006-02-11T09:05:00.000-08:00

When my copy of Viz plops on the doormat, I feel my connection to the sceptered isle strengthen a little bit. I feel this partly because no one here gets it, at all! It's my own little private, dirty joke

This months issue there was a made up letters page dedicated to the painting that Rolf Harris did of the queen. I had no idea he'd even taken up such a daunting task. But after reading the article, I'd picked up all the nations consensus on the painting, plus it made me laugh.

Here are some of the abridged comments.

"The painting was good, I'm just disapointed that he didn't sign the corner with a rolfaroo. That's my favourite part of all of his paintings"

"the queen must have bigger boobs than that. He should have consulted someone who's seen them, like Prince Phillip or that man that broke into the palace and sat on her bed"

"maybe Rolf Harris got the mouth perfectly, its just everyone else who's ever took a picture or painted her that's got it wrong"

"If Rolf wasn't confident painting her mouth, he should have painted her reading a newspaper, so that you could only see her from the nose up"

You should all go out and buy a copy, and then read the letters page, and report back how you fell about laughing.

Synergy

2006-02-09T08:42:00.000-08:00

I've applied for a couple of jobs, I hope I at least get a nice email saying, "I'm sorry, but we just think you're a tosser" There is nothing worse than applying for a million jobs and not hearing back from any of them.

I ve applied to be a receptionist at a spa. Am I cut out for that? No, absolutely not.

Hopefully the job as receptionist for a kitchen counter top company will go my way. I've always had a penchant for grouting and laminates.
I've even studied up on the three main materials this company uses for its surfaces.

Ask me about Zodiaq or Corian, I dare you! My wife did, and she was amazed at what I could retain for a job I had never dreamed of doing.

Money talks. If I get an interview, I am going to mention the word synergy. My foot is practically in the door.

giz a fuckin tab

2006-01-30T21:03:00.000-08:00

I could have sworn I just heard someone say that when they walked past me in the street. Couldn't have been.

I just got weirdly homesick. I was in the bath enjoying a Newcastle brown ale, when I started wondering why the bottles they stick in the multipacks over here are piss sized. I.E Not massive bottles like back in dear blighty. Then I looked at the label and noticed how proud they are that this is imported all the way from England.

This got me thinking, should I be enjoying this beverage? Given that they make the mini bottles and labels for export only, is some cheeky geordie having a crafty hand shandy in my booze because he knows this booze is off in pissy little girl bottles to be enjoyed by Americans?

Scary thought. and no, you can't get hobsons here. If you want a bitter, its boddingtons or nothing!

A lady felt my man eggs

2006-01-25T08:28:00.000-08:00

I had my yearly check-up yesterday, and a lady Doctor felt my privates.

It was all over in a flash (as per usual), and the crown jewels are perfectly fine. Due to my youth, I escaped the prostate check! phew, because she would have had to have wrestled with a blockage, if you catch my drift.

I hate to gloat, but she said I'm in great shape! Great pulse, big lung capacity, weight was good. I feel wonderful. Can I run a marathon or go 12 rounds with 'enry cooper? no, but it's a start.

Ive also finished three pedals this week, my most productive spurt in a long time.

and now its back to work. Monthly meeting tonight. We have to discuss reasons why our sales were down by about .39 cents per customer. Any suggestions? Yes, our prices are too high, and they know they can get the same stuff cheaper everywhere else!

Bonus report

2006-01-20T10:41:00.000-08:00

I got blood in it, but not a significant amount. I had to spend $300 of it on new tires, another $400 on car insurance which left aprroximately $150 which I then promptly spent on tat like this...
http://www.jameco.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?langId=-1&storeId=10001&catalogId=10001&productId=126797

Will I ever learn?

I 'spose my bonus was pretty good. It was like getting paid for an extra two weeks, but when my boss first sensed that I was getting itchy feet in my current position, he offered me all kinds of stuff to stay. If I hit certain figures, I would get certain rewards, It was like the lottery! "get all six numbers, you and your wife are off to japan, all expenses paid! Get 5 and the bonus, I'll pay just for flights and accomodation" .

As you can probably guess, we didn't nearly hit those figures, so it felt like I got just three numbers.

I got more than everyone else did, but I should be getting more, I do all the bloody hardwork!

One of my co-workers was chatting yesterday with a lady about the bone density of Asian people. Just thought I'd share that.

it's still Christmas

2006-01-12T15:01:00.000-08:00

People are still bringing in presents to send. And every single person makes a joke about "getting the jump on next year." To which I reply, "yeah, its hard to believe it's already the year of the monkey. I'm still putting year of the rooster on all of my cheques"

So in the spirit of Christmas, tonight is our Christmas party. Hope I get a bonus. and by bonus, I mean a Brucey bonus. A super-duper, stiffy inducing, 'wodge' of cash.

By the way...

2006-01-06T12:42:00.000-08:00

I found myself trying to waste time yesterday by scanning through the musical instrument classifieds in the online Shropshire Star. How useless is that?! I can't even buy any of it.

Hello

2006-01-06T12:34:00.000-08:00

What a lovely universal word hello is. Did you know that people in foreign countries often say hello, instead of using the greeting of their own tongue?

imperialism, isn't it great?

I saw on TV the other day, one of those "learn a new language" courses, and they were offering Welsh! I wonder how many copies of that DVD have flown off the shelf in America?

5 minutes of lunch left. Wonder if I can stretch it a little longer without anyone knowing. Maybe I should fake a stroke.

shrivelled huevos

2006-01-05T09:04:00.000-08:00

So I've been spouting on about how I am going to pack in my job in january, as soon as I've got my christmas bonus. But how bad is that to take the cheque, then say toodlepip? If I was working at Asda, It wouldnt be so bad. I just feel such an odd sense of responsibility that I have lacked in the past.

I know that if I go, it's going to mean that someone I care about, well, their workload will double! And as much as the people I work with are odd ducks, I wouldn't wish that on them.

So what to do? My brother-in-law-in-law has no advanced education, but yet selling paint earns him more than double my salary. I am so envious of people who make more money doing less work. He makes 8% commission anytime someone orders paint in his territory. He doesnt even have to leave the house 3 days a week to make better money than me.

I keep telling myself that this is a flukey situation, and rare, but it still irks me that I am not operating at full torque.

so, my news years resolution is to quit my job before january 31st.

aren'y moms great?

2005-12-28T12:41:00.000-08:00

my mom called me at 6:30am on christmas morning, hammered, asking if I liked the snow she had bought for me.

Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I wished her a merry christmas whilst heavily cursing under my breath. She sent me some kind of chemistry experiment that turns what looks like soap powder, into fluffy soap powder (snow). How she sneaked it by customs, I'll never know, the important thing is, she completely ruined the only gift she'd actually sent me, that I wasn't set to open for at least another 3 hours. god bless mom, god bless.

I think I could probably say this was the best christmas ever. I got a dremmel and a tool set. I feel like a real man at last.

The dremmel has allowed me to make my own circuit boards in double quick time! I drilled and cut 2 boards yesterday in the time it would normally take me to drill and cut one board. So once again, I have taken over the kitchen and it is festooned with electronic components, drill bits and various piles of "Man Shite" as the lady indoors has dubbed it. What with it being solely created by the unfairer of the species.

I also trod in an enormous, wet, dog turd outside of blockbuster video on Boxing day. Good luck? maybe.

In response to OMR's tree

2005-12-11T23:18:00.000-08:00

I did not decorate this tree, but this is what your tree could be.
[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v260/tenderstems/tree2.jpg[/IMG]

Here is me after a succesful hunt and capture!
[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v260/tenderstems/tree1.jpg[/IMG]

this was one of the last decent 4 ft trees left. We got to it just before this really mean woman. She had a face like a fox licking shit off a wire brush.

I also built a guitar amp into an old answering machine. Powered by one of them square batteries, and a 2 inch speaker!
[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v260/tenderstems/pedal1a.jpg[/IMG]

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

2005-12-09T09:35:00.000-08:00

It is, it really is. If you've ever heard the joy in the song "Feliz Navidad" then you know I'm right. It's a true xmas classic that you've probably never heard.

I was thinking today abour how far zoos have come in terms of their purpose. Todays modern zoos are a far cry from when zoo keepers walked tigers around on a lead, and when zoo keepers scrubbed elephants clean with a yard brush and a hosepipe. today it's all about keeping the enclosures as close to the animals natural habitat as possible. The drawbacks? who wants to try spotting a tapir in a bush from a hundred yards away?

I say stick that tapir in a nappy and throw it in with the chimps tea party!

Not really, but it does give you a nice cross-section of how our attitudes towards animals have changed.

When documentaries used to be about the British upper classes travelling to far flung corners of the globe just to tease crocodiles in a river (a man actually disposes of his razor blades in a crocodiles mouth) Now documentaries are about how crazy aussie guys with no sense of fear are rescuing injured crocs and giving them plastic surgery! How a few decades makes a difference.

The reason why I brought this up was because I was in a craft store last week and they have a little section of dried sea creatures, and they had a big bucket full of dried sea horses. I thought how many other stores were in the same chain (about 500) worked out that there were probably at least 250-400 seahorses in this bucket, which meant that if one of these buckets existed at every single store across the country that it would equal between 12,500 and 20,000 dead seahorses for 'craft' purposes. Not meat, hobbies.

How far have we really come?

Flip my hat, Fellas got a blog!

2005-12-01T08:33:00.000-08:00

Nothing in it yet, but its good to know he's still alive.

http://www.blogger.com/profile/15790036

On my recent trip back to blighty, fella decided to go to Florida. It's almost like he can't stand to even share a continent with me. Do I smell?

Every day I wake up and miss something from England. Usually quiz shows, but this morning I missed Pat Bonnar, from Auf wiedersehn, pet.

Tell me why!

2005-11-28T09:47:00.000-08:00

I don't like mondays!

I'ts because on mondays I have to fix everyones problems. Not only is it the biggest shipping day of the week, but it's the day when everyone decides to mess me around.

Every single phone call in the day is "Hi, I shipped a package on... and it didnt get there"

and guess who has to deal with it? Muggins.

If this was all that my job entailed, I'd be cool with it, but it's not. I also have to help customers, train new staff members, and generally wipe everybodys collective bottom.

rant rant rant.

saturday night

2005-11-21T09:18:00.000-08:00

Saturday night was pretty decent. I got to drink beer and eat pizza as predicted. Some of the UFC fights were a bit of a let down. Mainly the heavy weight fight. But there were a few good knock outs. I felt sorry for Nate Quarry, he was unlucky enough to have had his nose broken, and broken very badly, about a minute into the fight, and then after that, he was done.

Best part of the night though was having someone throw me in a guilotine choke, I accidentally fell elbow first onto their groin, breaking the hold, and their spirit!

Sunday was terrible. I stayed on the setee all day. I know that sounds like a blissfull way to end a weekend, it just felt like a lot of a waste.

UFC!

2005-11-19T14:10:00.000-08:00

6pm I will be drinking, eating pizza and watching men compete in basically, bare knuckle fights. (no head butting, eye gouging, biting or groin shots. choking is allowed!)

I think that's a perfect saturday!

2005-11-18T09:55:00.000-08:00

the show that Roy Walkers son presented was called "Steal"

I'm a scat man!

2005-11-17T20:27:00.000-08:00

I am the youngest person at my job... but with the most responsibility.

I had an idea today to start a blog which is just pictures of poo, in the bowl.

Doctors always ask you, "how have your stools been?"

and now you can say, "I'll show you... on monday it was pellets, but look at thursdays anaconda!"

Saturday is my favourite day of the week because it contains the word Turd.

I have a confession to make...

2005-11-15T12:28:00.000-08:00

I really Like Bruce Springsteen.

In fact, I dream about being in a Springsteen tribute band. Can you imagine it? Full band, horn section, fist pumping. I just drooled.

I think my favourite song is "I'm on fire"

I always feel like listening to Bruce is a guilty pleasure because it is so far removed from the music I normally enjoy. No longer will I have shame, from this day forth, its me an Bruce.

2005-11-12T09:26:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about the future. Is my future in the bay area? Probably not. I stand so little chance of buying a house here, it's not even funny. Even the lowest priced dirt box is out of my league.

My predicament is that we could move further north, or further south and be able to afford a home, but the weather, the people, and the jobs would suck! Where would be the fun in that?

What makes me really sad is that I have a friend who recently moved to olympia (washington, not greece) and is renting a three bedroom house, with an attached studio for $850 a month. I pay 875 for a one bedroom flat! next to a busy road. The trade off is that I have a job and he doesn't!

But what if I could land a sweet job, and be able to rent or buy an awesome place, and be happy?

I think the likelihood is pretty slender, afterall, that is the new American dream. What chance do I stand to compete in an area as affluent as I am in?

as Gabriel once sang " dreams, can come true"

There I go again! I just went against my own philosophy. Ive always held that it is far more important to be excellent to each other, rather than trying to scratch and climb the corporate ladder! I think Ive been in the bay area too long.

what do you get when you cross a bassett hound with a beagle?

2005-11-12T09:19:00.000-08:00

a bagle.

Just watched gregory's girl

2005-11-10T12:26:00.000-08:00

Forgot it was a bit on the spicy side! oh the 80's

When the film started, the MGM lion was on the screen, he lets out his trademark roars, and I say to the missus, "do you know how they made him look like he roared on cue?" she of course didn't know, so I said : "they gave him a couple of toffees"

She almost believed me until I started laughing uncontrollably.

2005-11-10T09:50:00.000-08:00

I really fancy an ice cream

Yesterday was my day off

2005-11-09T09:21:00.000-08:00

And what did I do with it? Nowt, as per usual.

I went to Torres engineering in San Mateo. Dan Torres has been making guitar amps for years, and I was keen to get a look at his shop and ask a few question about amp making, and pedal making, and maybe ask if he would take me under his wing one day a week and show a young grass hopper "how to". As per usual, In the car I figure out what I am going to say, and then once I get there I completely bottle it!

I wouldn't mind so much, but what's the worst he can say; "No we are very busy, but I appreciate you dropping by".

Dark evenings have me really confused. The Sharks game finished last night, and I thought it was bed time, but no, it was only 8! So I had to tit around for about 3 hours. Even if I am tired, I know it's a mistake to have an early night, because an early night means an early morning! and who wants to get up at 6 in the morning to soak in the glory of a new day? Not chuffin' me!

more things I miss

2005-11-07T21:47:00.000-08:00

I was thinking today about more things I miss. I was reminded about Oakengates market in a previous post, and it got me thinking about Saturdays. Mostly about the TV on Saturdays.

here is a list of some classic Saturday shows, that would only work on Saturdays.

Wrestling
The Munsters Today
Seaquest DSV
Thunder in Paradise
The racoons
Big Break
Blind Date
Noels house party
Tarrant on TV
Top Banana
Trans world sport (if you're up early enough, mind)

Just now I realised how sad I was to be scrambling for the past. But not just the past, bad tv that i enjoyed of the past! I have a feeling I'm going to be a very grumpy old man.

Here is a conversation I WILL have with a son or daughter

me: "what's this shit on the Telly?"

Kid: "dance dance revolution: the next generation"

me: "is this in a bloody arcade?"

Kid: "yeah its brilliant"

me: "in my day we had catchprase. You wouldn't see Mister Chips making a twat of himself like that"

If anyone remembers this TV show, I would be eternally grateful. Roy walkers son hosted it, and it maybe lasted for 2 series. people played computer games, like directing a cat burglar up ladders robbing people, if my memory serves me correctly. Any ideas?

I got asked if I was south african today

2005-11-04T14:23:00.000-08:00

nuff said

2005-11-03T17:36:00.000-08:00

Film: Blast from the past

Actors: Sissy spacek, brendan fraser, Christoper walken.

Synopsis: Family think america is going to be turned into a nuclear wasteland by the russians, so build a fall out shelter and stay in it for 30 years. Supplies run low so they send brendan fraser up to the surface, and adventures happen for the next 80 minutes!

Gossip: One day whilst in wardrobe, Fraser and spacek are perousing the footwear and trying to decide what shoes to wear that day. Brendan spots a nice pair of chelsea boots and dives right for them. At this point spacek says, "how rude, those shoes dont belong to you". Fraser says, "what do you mean?" to which spacek replies: "these boots were made for Walken!" (geddit?)

I made that up today whilst at work.

2005-11-03T17:28:00.000-08:00

so the rest of the day went pretty much as expected! No job offers from George Lucas, although my boss did give me a Diwali gift! Unexpected but awesome.

I never really chew gum, today I am chewing gum. Three pieces in one day. I'm a gum-aholic.

I pray that my cars windows stay up!

I went to see Elizabeth town on tuesday. Couldn't decided what was wors, Orlando blooms american accent or kirsten dunsts southern accent. Decent film though. couldn't convince the missus to see doom or saw 2.

was a bit annoyed that they elected to show a basketball game instead of the hockey. I missed another exciting over time thriller.

On tuesday morning I got to see the north london derby. Arsenal were shit until the end, then held on for the draw. bit pathetic. In my head I imagined telford were playing kiddeminster and it was 1986 all over again.

2005-11-03T08:25:00.000-08:00

I thought the car might be fucked this morning.

I used my automatic window button (yes, the car is that flash), but then the window wouldnt go back up! Then it did, and I let go a little trump of relief.

Who can tell what the rest of the day has in store. Maybe george lucas will wander in and offer me a job working on star wars 7: The wookies wardrobe.

It's a CGI thriller!

The electronics is taking a bit of a back seat to, well, everything. But I have found that I really like root beer.

hallo-weiner

2005-11-01T11:46:00.000-08:00

This year i dressed up as a victorian boxer. I had a handle bar moustache, and some dodgy tattoos. One was actually real though unfortunately.

I had the missus draw an elk on me.

Saturday, saturday, saturday!

2005-10-29T08:40:00.000-07:00

I recall once as a kid I woke up one morning and almost cried because I had to go and spend another day in school. I was devestated. Then I remembered that it is in fact saturday, and my remorse turns into joy, and saturday night by elton john starts playing in my head.

Gone are those days. This morning, elton john was sat at his piano, in my mind, looking like bernie taupin had just told him he had no talent. Elton was contemplating playing 'sacrifice', but instead chose to pull another cigarette from a cigarette dispensing donkey he got when he was in mallorca with his lover David Furnish. He lights it, and then shuffles off to the loo for a cheer-up wank.

I hate working on saturday.

adventures in dog sitting

2005-10-17T20:30:00.000-07:00

I was lucky enough to dog sit for a Beagle puppy over the weekend. I was hoping to take a picture, but the little wotsit wouldn't keep still for long enough! The dogs name is Sadie Lane, but I might rename it "ow, thats my hand". Nasty biting habit.

I got to see the Corrales V Castillo fight over the weekend, a bit of a let down thanks to castillo pilling on the pies pre fight. Still, sets up a 3rd fight though, maybe that's what he wanted.

I've been listening to Squeeze a lot lately. I really love Squeeze, I suppose it's a vice, they are not the normal kind of stuff I'd listen to. "And behind the chalet, our holiday's complete. And I feel like William Tell. Maid Marian on her tip toed feet"

Don't even get me going on cool for cats! What a choon!

Managed to see Million dollar baby, and half of shaun of the dead, two films that have been on the list for yonks. Thoroughly enjoyed all of both!

I think I've got fuzz on the brain, either that or I have hyper extended my brain. Work takes no brain power, but I always feel like a Zombie at the end of the day. I think it's the people I work with. It takes all my energy to pick up after everyone elses messes, not to mention UPS workers in general being monkey brained, thieving, retards who seem to damage everything they get their simian little hands on.

They managed to break an aluminium baseball bat, and then lose it, and then lose the box it was shipped in. The mind boggles.

2005-10-14T12:13:00.000-07:00

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Is a very satisfying phrase to utter. As in; "booooooo!, you are a baddy and I am at the oakengates town hall watching the wrestling. I think its morally reprehensible to do what you just did."

so BOOOOOOOO!

2005-10-10T12:24:00.000-07:00

Despite the fact that I hate my job, I really am ace at it. All the other people that work here are just pretenders to my throne.

I feel like the michael schumaker of packing and shipping. But I'm not a wanker.

After reading stavs post about being idle, I realy do feel like I need to go and spend some time in bed, a lot of time! 15 hours a day would probably do it.

2005-10-06T17:48:00.000-07:00

I am a miserable sinner, a filthy fucker.

I've decided to try and count my blessings instead of moaning all the time. I thought I could tap into a laid back california vibe, but I'm still old up tight steve.

Hockey has started, and although the sharks are off to a rubbish start, the preadators have a much improved team this year. I was still annoyed though.

I was angry to hear that a channel like OLN was covering the hockey, but their coverage is far more in depth than ESPN! So I consider that a blessing counted.

more work woes

2005-10-06T12:26:00.000-07:00

I had a very unreasonable customer, but if I'm wrong, please let me know why.

A gentlemen buys some boxes, comes back two days later and says one of the boxes had writing on it and had also been previously taped.

I said OK, bring it in, and we''ll exchange it for you .

He said, dont make me jump through hoops, I've used the box, just give me a new one

me, erm, I cant just give you a new one

him, Why not?, its your fault

me, If you want to bring the box back, I'd only be too happy to exchange it for you.

him, No, and I'm never doing business here again.

I know boxes arent that expensive, but I cant just give them away!

That would be like going into rumbelows and saying:

"Yeah, I bought a tv, but I dont like it, give me a new one"

"OK sir, just bring it back and we'll trade it for you"

"no, Just give me a new one"

fucking prick

2005-10-05T09:49:00.000-07:00

So does anyone else have that awful feeling in the pit of your stomach when you stand outside work?

Almost like you could just bolt straight for the car and just sit there sobbing into your turkey sandwiches.

I think it's time for a new adventure, after christmas bonus of course.

I might be a zoo-ologist, how hard can that be? Infact I'd probably settle for mucking out the siamangs or giving the Gnu its vitamins.

failing that a nice mailroom job would be pretty low stress.

Off the hook

2005-09-29T09:42:00.000-07:00

Ever since mandy's older sister had a sprog, there has been considerably more heat, and eyes on us to see if we are going to make a womb beast soon.

So imagine my relief when yesterday we found out she had another one in the oven, which gives us at least another year before anyone takes the slightest bit of interest in our copulation habits.

I congratulated my brother-in-law-in-law by singing him a song about how fertile he was, and that his tads were the healthiest in california. Infact I even felt more vigour just talking on the phone with him.

Me nana called today to tell me that somerfields didnt have any more lamb shanks. What a relief it was to hear that, what with me being at least 6,000 miles away from that disaster zone.

I wish she would phone me and do something a bit more fun like describing what the page 3 girls norks look like today, or even reading the funny little blurb which the girls probably dont even say. No, instead I usualy get whats been on special offer in somerfields (mr kipling cakes) and the readers digest of richard littlejohns monthly comments.

God bless me nana

I'm back

2005-09-28T08:46:00.004-07:00

And boy did I have a riot, at least my one night at the crown.

It was good to see everyone, except bacon, who is a twat ;)

and it was nice to meet rambo and Rich, even though rich did make some slightly paedo comments about his niece and nephew! Dont worry son, we've all been there.

I'm a bit pissed off I didn't take my camera, I would have liked to have had some pictures of bacons great beard, and some kind of weird stav V's merk tongue fest which will surely haunt all of our dreams.

The flight back was pretty good, I got to watch "in the thick of it" which is probably one of the best comedies I have seen in years! Have to get broadband and have merk wire it to me.

Also watched catterick at home and pissed myself! People were telling me it wasn't funny, but it was! "I KNOW!"

Now its back to work time. My electronics is getting started again, should be getting tons of stuff finished by october. Three treble boosters, a couple of contra fuzz' good times, loud times.

only 24 toasters from scunthorpe!

2005-09-09T12:53:00.000-07:00

only 6 double beds from torquay.
and I cant decide if I will.
choose a diamond ring or a drill.

who remembers that advert? I feel like that right now. I will be only 24 toasters from telford. only 6 double beds from dawley.

I will be in touch!

Ghosts = big bag of bollocks

2005-09-06T09:34:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about ghosts yesterday, it's nearly that time of year when horror movies come out. But I was thinking about all the people I've heard talking about ghosts they've seen. Be it on TV or they're own personal sighting. However, I've tended to notice that people always see the lady in grey! or something in costume from the 17th century.

If this is the case then I dont think ghosts exist. If they do exist, why aren't we seeing ghosts in flares, or in dungarees, or even B-boy ghosts! People died in the 70's didnt they? so why arent we seeing accurate representations of disco dancing ghosts?

Because people make all that crap up. How believable would it be to say to someone. "mom, I just saw a ghost in the 87 Liverpool 3rd strip" "Did he have the shorts on as well?" "no, Just the shirt" "fucking part-time fan"

What about rude boy ghosts or mod ghosts? anyone seen anything like that?

todays flavour is:

2005-09-04T15:00:00.000-07:00

Rangemaster!

Today I am finishing my clone of the Dallas Rangemaster.

If you don't know, tons of vintage pedals which aren't made any more are fair game for copying!

The schematics (map of components if you like), are usually available on websites, and then you etch a board, slap in the parts and away you go!

Ive got two of these pedals in the works, both of which have been sold to proper pro musicians!
http://www.theorangepeels.com Allen and Oed have both ordered a pedal! My first sales (of many, I hope) and I am very proud. If can get some sound samples up, I will.

Also, my pedal in an answering machine should be finished this week.

In other news, well, nowt much really. I helped my sister-in-law move and her boyfriend gave me an old guitar! It doesn't work, so I have yet another project to complete.

This time next week, I will be in England. TEN POINTS GRYFFINDOR!

A touch of class

2005-08-31T23:38:00.000-07:00

http://www.shropshirestar.co.uk/show_article.php?aID=36790

I think it's great for Wellington to have another night spot. We've all been to rumours and the station hotel, and well, I dont think I need to say anything else about those places!

So I was pleased to see some new jobs, and a new night spot, but! why couldnt they have made it SOUND a bit classier? I mean come on, pussycats! They might as well have called it Vagina.

So in that spirit, here are my suggestions for new names:

The hot spot

throbbers (or even better, cocks and throbbers)

Gyration (a bit too classy that one)

Beavers

So come on Wellington! lets have a club where the floors are unsticky and a gent can go for a nice evening of dancing.

Crown time

2005-08-31T09:44:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been dreaming about the crown.

I think about the time I got completely slaughtered on red erik (never again) but then I remember my first pint of mitchells dark mild (r.i.p) and remember its creamy smoothness.

I miss the smell of the bins wafting in, and I miss Arthur Ebeling.

Cant wait til' september!

Now it's like a tourist attraction for me, not like everybody elses regular.

2005-08-29T22:16:00.000-07:00

I think I figured it out.
So the wife does awesome cakes! Can you believe that fish one is actually not a fish, but a cake? People wouldn't eat it because it looked too much like a fish! The other one is also a cake! it looks like a toy or summat. Then there's the cars. The white one is my BMW (still not a cock), and the silver one is amanda's corolla. The lawnmower I saw at a car show of all places! and then those wires and funny little boxes are effect pedals for electric guitars. Im trying to sell them, so if your interested, let me know!

How about some photos?

2005-08-29T21:57:00.000-07:00

Well, I had it figured out, and then they vanished. So We'll try again.

I really like cars. I drive a BMW, though that doesnt automatically make me a prick. The car was free! and it is thrashed. It's an 87, but it runs and it gets me to work and back.

I also really like my wife! We've been married for 2 years, and she is awesome, and cute, and well, lots of other things too. Did I mention talented? You should see some of the cakes shes made! If I can figure out the pictures, I'll show you.

Guitar pedals are a big part of my life! It's cheaper to make your own, and more fun than dealing with darrell in the wellington music shop! (just kidding) The awesome thing is, is that you can put the guts of the pedal into anyhting you can fit it in! Right now, I am building two pedals into an old answering machine!

Boxing was a big part of my life until recently. Too many hobbies, too little time, so electronics won out over beating people up. Actually, getting beaten up was more like it!

For a living, I work for UPS putting crap in boxes and shipping it all over the world. It's boring, I'm also a notary public, that means nothing to you, google it, sunshine.

The missus works part time as a preschool aid.

will the pictures work? We'll see. Oh, I miss TV alot, my friend was telling me about some lass on big brother going at it with a wine bottle! I'm sad I missed that

Livejournal is shit

2005-08-29T21:22:00.000-07:00

I spose this is the best way to keep up to date with the old crew.

Also a nice place to show you all my little projects, my pending bruce springsteen covers albums, and my guitar pedals!

So that's what you'll find!

Also included will be bad grammar, moaning about work, and general nothingness!
How will your little lif be the same again!