Dear Gap Clothing,

I like Audrey Hepburn. I like AC/DC. I do not like the combination togther.
Also, whilst I've got you listening. I got dragged to your shop in San Mateo Mall because all my clothes have holes in, and I noticed three things:
1) Your clothes appear to be designed by robots
2) Zippered sleeves do not look good
3) A picture on the wall of a man wearing 4 layers, next to a picture of the slogan: "Keep it simple"

How is wearing 4 layers keeping it simple? Where is he going? Antarctica?
He had on a blazer, a zip up sweater, a cardigan and a t-shirt. No wonder models are skinny, you are sweating out their water weight.

Also, do you have any connection to American Eagle Clothing? Because they are worse offenders than you. The girls section doesn't look too bad. Lots of basics that you could easily mix and match to make many cute outfits. However, everything in the mens section has Eagles on it. I like birds as much as the next bloke, but how about not puting eagles on everything?

Here are some birds I like:
Curlew
Magpie
Raven
Wood Pigeon
Hummingbird
Sparrow
Pelican
Chaffinch

Infact, I'd almost bet you would sell more clothes if you didn't put any worldly creatures on your garments.

Sincerely
Steve

When I got outside, I spat on the ground and made a mental note to never go to the Mall again.