Monday, January 30, 2006

giz a fuckin tab

I could have sworn I just heard someone say that when they walked past me in the street. Couldn't have been.

I just got weirdly homesick. I was in the bath enjoying a Newcastle brown ale, when I started wondering why the bottles they stick in the multipacks over here are piss sized. I.E Not massive bottles like back in dear blighty. Then I looked at the label and noticed how proud they are that this is imported all the way from England.

This got me thinking, should I be enjoying this beverage? Given that they make the mini bottles and labels for export only, is some cheeky geordie having a crafty hand shandy in my booze because he knows this booze is off in pissy little girl bottles to be enjoyed by Americans?

Scary thought. and no, you can't get hobsons here. If you want a bitter, its boddingtons or nothing!

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

A lady felt my man eggs

I had my yearly check-up yesterday, and a lady Doctor felt my privates.

It was all over in a flash (as per usual), and the crown jewels are perfectly fine. Due to my youth, I escaped the prostate check! phew, because she would have had to have wrestled with a blockage, if you catch my drift.

I hate to gloat, but she said I'm in great shape! Great pulse, big lung capacity, weight was good. I feel wonderful. Can I run a marathon or go 12 rounds with 'enry cooper? no, but it's a start.

Ive also finished three pedals this week, my most productive spurt in a long time.

and now its back to work. Monthly meeting tonight. We have to discuss reasons why our sales were down by about .39 cents per customer. Any suggestions? Yes, our prices are too high, and they know they can get the same stuff cheaper everywhere else!

Friday, January 20, 2006

Bonus report

I got blood in it, but not a significant amount. I had to spend $300 of it on new tires, another $400 on car insurance which left aprroximately $150 which I then promptly spent on tat like this...
http://www.jameco.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?langId=-1&storeId=10001&catalogId=10001&productId=126797

Will I ever learn?

I 'spose my bonus was pretty good. It was like getting paid for an extra two weeks, but when my boss first sensed that I was getting itchy feet in my current position, he offered me all kinds of stuff to stay. If I hit certain figures, I would get certain rewards, It was like the lottery! "get all six numbers, you and your wife are off to japan, all expenses paid! Get 5 and the bonus, I'll pay just for flights and accomodation" .

As you can probably guess, we didn't nearly hit those figures, so it felt like I got just three numbers.

I got more than everyone else did, but I should be getting more, I do all the bloody hardwork!

One of my co-workers was chatting yesterday with a lady about the bone density of Asian people. Just thought I'd share that.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

it's still Christmas

People are still bringing in presents to send. And every single person makes a joke about "getting the jump on next year." To which I reply, "yeah, its hard to believe it's already the year of the monkey. I'm still putting year of the rooster on all of my cheques"

So in the spirit of Christmas, tonight is our Christmas party. Hope I get a bonus. and by bonus, I mean a Brucey bonus. A super-duper, stiffy inducing, 'wodge' of cash.

Friday, January 06, 2006

By the way...

I found myself trying to waste time yesterday by scanning through the musical instrument classifieds in the online Shropshire Star. How useless is that?! I can't even buy any of it.

Hello

What a lovely universal word hello is. Did you know that people in foreign countries often say hello, instead of using the greeting of their own tongue?

imperialism, isn't it great?

I saw on TV the other day, one of those "learn a new language" courses, and they were offering Welsh! I wonder how many copies of that DVD have flown off the shelf in America?

5 minutes of lunch left. Wonder if I can stretch it a little longer without anyone knowing. Maybe I should fake a stroke.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

shrivelled huevos

So I've been spouting on about how I am going to pack in my job in january, as soon as I've got my christmas bonus. But how bad is that to take the cheque, then say toodlepip? If I was working at Asda, It wouldnt be so bad. I just feel such an odd sense of responsibility that I have lacked in the past.

I know that if I go, it's going to mean that someone I care about, well, their workload will double! And as much as the people I work with are odd ducks, I wouldn't wish that on them.

So what to do? My brother-in-law-in-law has no advanced education, but yet selling paint earns him more than double my salary. I am so envious of people who make more money doing less work. He makes 8% commission anytime someone orders paint in his territory. He doesnt even have to leave the house 3 days a week to make better money than me.

I keep telling myself that this is a flukey situation, and rare, but it still irks me that I am not operating at full torque.

so, my news years resolution is to quit my job before january 31st.